I have this ridiculous fear of snakes. It's ridiculous. For years, I avoided National Geographic shows for fear of coming eye to screen with a snake. I didn't read reptile and amphibian books to my kids, I avoided nature magazines. I walked the long way around the snake house at the zoo.
Then I went to bible study.
That's what happens when you go to bible study, by the way. Stuff happens. Life changes.
What would happen if your worst fear was realized? What's the very worst case scenario?
Hmmmm...venomous snake, painful death. I felt silly. Everyone else had serious fears- husband's leaving, children kidnapped, cancer. No way was I sharing my snake thing.
But here's the crux I learned in the study. So what?
Get bit by a venomous snake and die. I'm Christian. Dying has nothing on me. Dying means life.
So what else you got Devil? Emotional trauma, desertion by all those I love, the loss of everything that matters to me. My God's bigger than that. So, here's the truth I know...my God loves me. I don't want to live in fear. He says I don't have to. I'm tired of it.
Then, what is the alternative? God's answer... Freedom.
I want to live free. I opened my heart a little more to God's plan that day.
Then I went to a conference and had to share my amazing insight with a group of women (thinking I was so wise and learned). One woman at my table turns to me and says, "A long time ago I stopped praying for God's will in my life. Now I pray, Whatever you want for my life, Lord. It's yours, just take it."
I was taken a back. Was she serious? I mean, if I prayed that, things would happen. What if I was actually killed for my faith. What if He had a plan for my children I didn't like? If I opened my mouth and prayed that prayer any number of things could happen! (Snakes could be involved. :-)) What if...
So I did what any normal person would do and I sat on it. I let it ruminate in my heart for a good year. Then one day, I had enough.
"What do you want from me, Lord?"
I got my answer - "You."
And I realized, He meant all of me. Not just a piece, not half, not most. He wanted all. So, I did it. I opened my heart. Not just a little.
I know it sounds like works righteousness to all you good Lutherans, but it's not. I know it's the Spirit. I know it's the Lord's work in me. But I thank God, He does not stop at the font. He keeps at it....every day.
I prayed, "Whatever you want, Lord. Whatever." And life is transformed. Life is turned upside down. And as Queen Esther said, "If I parish, I parish."
There are so very many reasons to be afraid. But God trumps every one. Snakes and all.
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